The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
