Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
