Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
