hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
