he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
