i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
