People in love make me want to vomit
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
