I bet he comes in French.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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