All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
