thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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