Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
