Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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