just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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