I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
