If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
40s are totally the cure
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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