my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
