I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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