All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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