why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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