are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
