she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
