i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
