Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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