You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize