Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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