The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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