I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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