his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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