I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
