I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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