Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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