I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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