Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
one two three fourrrrnication!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
