look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
