so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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