how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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