At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
