At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
