but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
