he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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