Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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