I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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