well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
