they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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