I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I met the friendliest cop last night
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize