My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She even gives head with a lisp.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
