I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
