She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
