The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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