I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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