You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize