I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
