Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
