i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
