brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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