I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
