3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
