If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I checked into jail on foursquare
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
