Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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