i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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