I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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