You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
