It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
