She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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