explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
