he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
