Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
