is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
